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Author: lizacornor Subject: Getting your confidence back...
Barbara
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Registered: 05-27-2004
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posted on 05-27-2004 at 21:10 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
Getting your confidence back...

My older brother has been divorced now for over a year now and he still hasn't had the confidence to go out on a date. He wants to find someone special to have a serious relationship with but everytime he approaches a woman, either at work or at a bar or a party he finds that old fashion values are no longer "in vogue" and that the women are downright rude and too self obsessed. Anyone know where he can find women who still value family. I'd love for him to find happiness again. Thanks.
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somatek
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Posts: 1
Registered: 09-06-2006
Location: Houston, TX

posted on 09-06-2006 at 19:41 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
It All Depends...

It depends on where he's meeting these women. The older we get, we find that some women who are single and around our age have either gone through some bad experiences in their past relationships, or they never have been in a meaningful relationship. It's often the case that "all the good ones are taken". Basically, your brother should go look for like-minded single women. Either in forums like this one, or single groups from reputable sources like a church. Also, he should seriously think of re-evaluating his idea of "traditional" values.
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ddraper
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Registered: 02-20-2009
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posted on 02-20-2009 at 01:51 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
Getting Confidence Back

Confidence is hard to win back after such an earth shattering event as a divorce. The thing is though, he obviously had the confidence when he entered into the marriage in the first place. If he can harness whatever energy he had going in, he should be fine.
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adrien53
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posted on 06-19-2009 at 02:54 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
Old values

I fully know how your brother feels. I am also very into old values and look for a traditional relationship. I am also religious and you don't find a woman that also wants to live that way easily. But you have to think positive and never give up.
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new_slang
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Registered: 01-04-2010
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posted on 01-04-2010 at 14:20 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
Exploring opportunities

These are definitely some helpful tips. I have found that the best way to deal with the pain of a separation is to explore the new opportunities available to you. Even though the loss of a relationship can put a huge dent in your plans for the future, it can also open doors and allow you to explore new things you never had the time for.

Try out something you have always wanted to do: painting, writing, cycling. Exploring new interests is not only a great way to distract your mind, but also a fantastic way to meet new people. Although I wouldn't suggest rushing into a romantic relationship right after a divorce, it's healthy to meet new friends and get to know a new group of people.

It's easy to allow ourselves to get sucked into a dark pit of despair when horrible things happen to us. If we try to focus on the opportunities instead of the problems, we can often avoid negative thoughts and depression.
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Link_29
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Registered: 01-08-2010
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posted on 01-12-2010 at 16:57 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
MUSIC

Everyone likes music...why not learn how to play your favorite instrument?

That's what i did when i was in a funk, and now i can play all kinds of songs and have a new skill. You can get involved in your music community and meet some new people too its a great social tool not to mention the stress-relief i get from playing
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helterskelter
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Registered: 06-24-2010
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posted on 06-24-2010 at 06:51 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
He Needs More Time...

I honestly think that his refusal to engage with women has nothing to do with confidence. What you probably need him to do is give him time. Although it may seem that a year is too long for him to not get hooked up with single women, it may be because he's still scarred by his previous marriage and is too doubtful in trusting and investing his feeling to a member of the opposite sex. In any case your brother needs some help through this problem, support him and research materials or books for him to read in order for him to understand his situation.
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BillTravels
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Registered: 10-11-2010
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posted on 10-26-2010 at 12:56 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
don't worry be happy

Here is another article from this site that might help you with your problem

http://www.1st-divorce.com/divorce/after-divorce.html

I agree that getting on with the things you like to do is the best way to get over a relationship, don't pine over whta happened. Just move on and enjoy your life, you are only cutting yourself short if you spend time thinking about this shit all day
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Kish
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Posts: 5
Registered: 03-24-2010
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posted on 11-19-2010 at 15:18 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
Stop Looking at BARS and CLUBS!

'My older brother has been divorced now for over a year now and he still hasn't had the confidence to go out on a date. He wants to find someone special to have a serious relationship with but everytime he approaches a woman, either at work or at a bar or a party he finds that old fashion values are no longer "in vogue" and that the women are downright rude and too self obsessed. Anyone know where he can find women who still value family. I'd love for him to find happiness again. Thanks. '


If he is looking for anything more than a hookup in a bar or club, he is going to be disappointed repeatedly...If he is looking for a serious relationship with someone who has similar interests and ideals as him, he needs to start meeting women:

a) At speicific events or activities, so they can start off on the basis that they like the same things or
b) use a dating site that will narrow down his search to women who are interested in the same things.

That eHarmony commercial is pretty ridiculous, with the guy saying how it doesn't matter if he likes soccer and the girls like soccer, he says "It better be the World Cup all year or else we will have some problems." I totally disagree with that. Yes, it's possible that you and someone with the same interests will not be perfect for a long term relationship, but at the same time, having similar interests will help you guys to spend time together, learn about each other, and actually learn some thing FROM each other.

Tell your brother to stop going to clubs and bars to meet girls. The only women he will meet there are the ones that have already slept with the rest of the guys at the bar.
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scottyaks
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Posts: 2
Registered: 03-27-2011
Location: Philippines

posted on 03-27-2011 at 14:46 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
reply.

Yes because you are not permanently alone in your whole life.. we should move on what ever happens. dont worry the destiny of your love life will be soon be good. thats the factor that we have a confidence.
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lizacornor
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Posts: 2
Registered: 03-29-2011
Location: London

posted on 03-29-2011 at 02:51 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
Healt issue

i liked it so much....The subject that you have explained in the article is too fantastic. It’s like a dream come true. You have bought the topic live in front of my eyes and made me think the same manner. You have just too wonderful ideas.
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Getting your confidence back...

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