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tLakota
Member
Posts: 37
Registered: 09-20-2006 Location:
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posted on 02-26-2008 at 02:48 |
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Help!!! One of my friends was raped!!!! What do I do?!!!?
I just found out one of my friends was raped a couple days ago and I don't know what to do. She and my brother were 'dating' for a full year, 'took a break' starting the 15th of this month and she was raped a couple days ago by some asshole from her school. I'm just so overwhelmed by the news! I mean, seriously, what can I do? What can I say? She was a virgin and wanted to lose it to my brother. But instead, her first experience was painful and degrading. I'm seriously hoping she'll be okay and let the system send the guy to prison. But at the same time, I want her to be happy. That loops my brother into the problem. He was one of the first to know, before her parents even. And I think he feels obligated, like if they were still going out it wouldn't have happened... But.... It's such a big issue! What do I do!!!!!?
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Blank_Wall
Member
Posts: 43
Registered: 02-09-2007 Location: Houston, TX
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posted on 02-26-2008 at 08:06 |
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Hard Questions
'I just found out one of my friends was raped a couple days ago and I don't know what to do. She and my brother were 'dating' for a full year, 'took a break' starting the 15th of this month and she was raped a couple days ago by some asshole from her school. I'm just so overwhelmed by the news! I mean, seriously, what can I do? What can I say? She was a virgin and wanted to lose it to my brother. But instead, her first experience was painful and degrading. I'm seriously hoping she'll be okay and let the system send the guy to prison. But at the same time, I want her to be happy. That loops my brother into the problem. He was one of the first to know, before her parents even. And I think he feels obligated, like if they were still going out it wouldn't have happened... But.... It's such a big issue! What do I do!!!!!?'
You should ask your brother if he feels obligated - or responsible.
If he feels that way, then why?
Your brother should not feel “obligated” to do anything - if only for
the fact that they were not actually married - and there’s also the
matter that they were on a “break” - so it’s not determinable if they
would ever actually get back together again.
Do you know the circumstances under which the rape occurred?
If there is the PERCEPTION that she was somehow responsible in getting
herself into that situation to begin with, then it would place your
brother into the dilemma of having to reconcile in his own mind as to
whether or not he could ever “forgive” his potential relationship partner
for her actions/carelessness.
Beyond that, there is the overriding issue of how important it is to your
brother that, the first time that he has sex with a girl, it would be a
shared experience - and every time that he has sex with his relationship
partner, that he would be the only person that she has ever had sex with.
I know that I’d really hate to be in that situation, as I don’t know if
I could put something like that behind me, and have a viable relationship
with a former virgin that had been raped - even if there isn’t any blame
to be assessed.
You can call it a “hang-up” on my part, but it is a “hang-up” that is an
elemental component of who I am. If your brother can identify with me,
then he has to ask himself some hard questions - some VERY hard questions
- as to whether or not he should pursue the option of committing to
a relationship with the former virgin. If this is an issue that could
potentially destroy any future relationship that he might have with her,
then the best option might be to part company, and move on.
As for the girl ...
Did she get pregnant?
Did she contract a STD?
If not, then you should tell her that she should consider herself to be
fortunate that she came out of it in good health. You should tell her that,
if your brother no longer desires to have a relationship with her, that
there are lots of guys who really don’t care (as to whether or not she’s
a virgin) - and she’ll not have any problems getting herself into another
relationship (given that it’s FAR easier for girls to get into relationships
than it is for guys). That she’ll never have her first time with someone
that she loves will be a disappointment, but life is full of disappointments
(as mine has been).
... but a lot of this will depend upon your brother’s reaction to this situation.
.
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tLakota
Member
Posts: 37
Registered: 09-20-2006 Location:
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posted on 02-26-2008 at 23:51 |
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You jerk!!!!
It turns out you have a very harsh view on rape victims. She was hanging out with girlfriends that she knew well and was friends with. Just girls. Then one of them invited some guys that she liked to the house and one of those guys, who she barely knew, raped her. If anything, blame the girls who let it happen. And the issue isn't that she was a virgin and now she's not. The issue is that my brother thinks that if they weren't on break(she felt she needed more time with God without distraction and they still love each other) she wouldn't have been in a situation were he couldn't protect her. The asshole that raped her, RAPED HER. She isn't a slut, she doesn't dress provocatively, she's a good Christian girl from a whole and happy family, her dad is a cop, her mom is over children's ministry, she was quiet, shy, and pretty! A true virgin in every sense! No drugs, no alcohol, no drama! And an Asshole RAPED HER! She didn't do anything wrong, she didn't have it coming, in the whole year she and my bro were dating they haven't had a single fight. So screw You! I wanted advice on how to console her, what to say... I'm a chick as you should well know by now, and I can't fathom being raped at a girlfriends house by a guy that doesn't really know me. He forced himself upon a sweet virgin girl, so saying 'Well, at least you didn't die. Hope my brother is okay with another guy having sex with you,' just doesn't cut it. I also said she was my friend! MY FRIEND! I love her! I've known her for years! She's like my sister!!!! And I want to be there for her while she's bruised and hurt both physically and emotionally! You know what?! I'll just say it! FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope you learn that there is a lot more to a woman than whether she's a virgin or not! And for the record, I'm 18, but she's 15. No girl should be raped, let alone at such a young age! Yeah! Fuck you!!! Good luck finding a woman that will better understand your stance on rape. Our society has been so desensitized to rape! It is a crime, and as many as 1 in 7 women have experienced rape in some form in their life but most never report it. And it's because of jerks LIKE YOU! Every sex ed class say you should report it and no one will be mad at you! But you've PROVED that what goes through the victims' minds may be true in the backdrop! She waited 2 days because she was afraid that we(including her parents) would be mad at her and think it was her fault! And your words and wording as a response to this very difficult situation shows that our society and the fake claims have molded a very NEGATIVE response to victims of violence. FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!
Now, if anyone else has some real advice please let me know ASAP. When I sent her a message last night they were taking information and pictures and gathering evidence at the hospital until 3 in the morning, and today they arrested the bastard. But I could still use some advice on how to talk to her. I know trying to get her to forget about it is the wrong step at the moment, it's just too recent. Help!
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tLakota
Member
Posts: 37
Registered: 09-20-2006 Location:
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posted on 02-26-2008 at 23:51 |
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Blech
This issue sucks!
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htownmike
Member
Posts: 39
Registered: 01-13-2008 Location: Houston
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posted on 02-27-2008 at 01:22 |
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I wish
I wish I can give some good advice for you but I can't. The only thing I can do is hope that your friend gets over this pain and suffering she must be in. That guy will get what he deserves. Although if something like that happend to a girl I care about , you'll better hold me back cause I'll kick that guy ass so bad. I guess I feel strongly about this subject because me myself know some girls that I care about a whole lot and I would anything for them.
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Blank_Wall
Member
Posts: 43
Registered: 02-09-2007 Location: Houston, TX
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posted on 02-27-2008 at 13:42 |
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CALM DOWN AND READ WHAT I WROTE!!!
tLakota: Given that you’ve COMPLETELY misinterpreted what I wrote before
indicates to me that you’re some kind of a moron.
First of all: WHY are you posting about this sort of issue to this forum?
In case you hadn’t noticed, this is a forum for VIRGINS.
“The Virgin Forum”.
The vast majority of the people who post to this forum have no idea as to what it’s
like to be raped, never mind on how to deal with the trauma in the aftermath.
Almost any moron would’ve taken this to a forum for rape victims - such as
alt.support.rape-survivors:
Second of all: When you made your initial post, you didn’t give much in the way of
relevant details - you just dumped your emotional baggage into this group - apparently
as a ploy for sympathy.
What did you want us to do?
... give you a virtual hug?
... and say: “AWWWWWWWW, POOR BAY-BEEEEE”?
Since you didn’t give much in the way of details, you left people like myself to
speculate, operating with what typically happens in situations like that - and what
typically happens in the aftermath. No one can advise you on how to respond
specifically if you don’t give us much in terms of specifics to begin with.
You tell us that your brother feels “obligated”.
What does THAT mean?
... “obligated” to do what exactly?
You tell us that they “took a break”.
Typically, when a couple takes a “break”, it means that they have some doubts
about their relationship, and they want to start dating other people. Since you
didn’t make yourself clear, you left people like myself to operate with what
typically happens when a couple “takes a break” - so it was a VALID assumption
on my part when I speculated that she was possibly raped by some guy that she
was dating at the time.
If you want some REAL advice on what to do, then I’ll give you some.
If the girl cannot cope with the trauma on her own over the course of the next
6 - 8 months, then she needs to see a rape counselor - perhaps even right away
(if she’s extremely traumatized in the present).
WELL DUUUUH!!!
That much is so obvious that almost any moron could have figured it out for herself
- so I didn’t see any point in making a statement of the obvious in my previous
post.
What should YOU do about this situation?
Nothing.
You’ve demonstrated to me that you’re too immature and emotional to handle something
like this, and you’ll likely make things worse if you attempt to take an active role.
If she wants to talk to you about it, then - by all means - talk to her. The main
thing to keep in mind is that, at some point, she is going to have to put all of it
behind her and move on with her life. There are some women who are scarred for life
over being raped, and I hope that she isn’t one of them - and she should do all that
she can to AVOID becoming one of them.
... now let us get down to the contents of your last post:
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You jerk!!!!
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You moron!!!
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It turns out you have a very harsh view on rape victims.
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No - I don’t. You’ve just GREATLY misinterpreted what I wrote.
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She was hanging out with
girlfriends that she knew well and was friends with. Just girls. Then one of them
invited some guys that she liked to the house and one of those guys, who she barely
knew, raped her. If anything, blame the girls who let it happen.
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Now THAT is a good question.
( ... or a good implied question.)
Where exactly WERE those girls when this was transpiring?
It seems to me that they would have heard the victim when she was struggling
and screaming.
That leaves me to speculate on two possibilities.
1: This was something that those girls had planned out, and your friend was set up
- and those girls ignored her screams while it was happening.
2: Your friend didn’t struggle nor scream, but had sex willingly when the guy
seduced her - as she gave in to the passion of the moment - then later had a HUGE
guilt-trip over it - and started screaming “rape” in the aftermath. That sort of
thing happens often enough that it becomes a possibility that should not be
trivialized nor ignored - ESPECIALLY with “good little Christian girls”.
Once again, I’m just speculating. I’m open to the possibility that there is
a plausible explanation as to why those girls did not hear the victim scream,
but I don’t know what it could be - as I’ve not been given adequate DETAILS.
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And the issue isn't that she was a virgin and now she's not. The issue is that
my brother thinks that if they weren't on break(she felt she needed more time
with God without distraction and they still love each other) she wouldn't have
been in a situation were he couldn't protect her.
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Since I know nothing about your brother, and how he is reacting to the situation,
all that I can do is to speculate on the possible pitfalls that he might encounter
in the aftermath of the traumatic event - which is what I was doing in my previous
post.
I’ve already commented on the matter of them being on a “break”, so I’ll not
repeat myself here.
Your brother shouldn’t feel any guilt over something that he had no control over.
He was not the girl’s keeper - he is not responsible for her - there was no way that
he could have predicted that something like this could have happened - and you need
to tell him that.
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The asshole that raped her,
RAPED HER. She isn't a slut, she doesn't dress provocatively, she's a good
Christian girl from a whole and happy family, her dad is a cop, her mom is over
children's ministry, she was quiet, shy, and pretty! A true virgin in every sense!
No drugs, no alcohol, no drama! And an Asshole RAPED HER! She didn't do anything
wrong, she didn't have it coming, in the whole year she and my bro were dating
they haven't had a single fight. So screw You! I wanted advice on how to console
her, what to say... I'm a chick as you should well know by now, and I can't fathom
being raped at a girlfriends house by a guy that doesn't really know me. He forced
himself upon a sweet virgin girl, so saying 'Well, at least you didn't die. Hope my
brother is okay with another guy having sex with you,' just doesn't cut it. I also
said she was my friend! MY FRIEND! I love her! I've known her for years! She's like
my sister!!!! And I want to be there for her while she's bruised and hurt both
physically and emotionally! You know what?! I'll just say it! FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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[childish emotional outburst ignored]
My point is: There really isn’t anything that can be said that will make things better.
This isn’t going to be resolved by anything that is said, but by what will be DONE.
I’ve always been a believer in the principle that actions speak louder than words.
As YOU YOURSELF implied: There are some girls that do things to “invite” a guy to
rape her. Since I was never given much in the way of details, all I could do before
was to speculate - and ask questions.
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I hope you learn that there is a lot more to a woman than whether she's a virgin or not!
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I hope you learn how to read.
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And for the record, I'm 18, but she's 15.
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... so you’re just a kid yourself.
That figures.
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No girl should be raped, let alone at such a young age! Yeah! Fuck you!!!
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I never implied that they should.
AGAIN: Learn how to read.
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Good luck finding a woman that will better understand your stance on rape.
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The vast majority of the female population would have no problem with my
attitudes on rape - and you wouldn’t either if you actually understood what
it is.
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Our society has been so desensitized to rape! It is a crime, and as many as 1
in 7 women have experienced rape in some form in their life but most never report
it. And it's because of jerks LIKE YOU! Every sex ed class say you should report
it and no one will be mad at you! But you've PROVED that what goes through the
victims' minds may be true in the backdrop! She waited 2 days because she was
afraid that we(including her parents) would be mad at her and think it was her
fault! And your words and wording as a response to this very difficult situation
shows that our society and the fake claims have molded a very NEGATIVE response
to victims of violence. FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!
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[childish emotional outburst ignored]
Once again: You’re demonstrating that you did not draw the correct interpretation
from what I had written. I wasn’t blaming anyone, just acknowledging what YOU
YOURSELF just pointed out in the above paragraph - and wondering if it was
a problem in this particular situation.
I don’t know how people are reacting to it (including your brother), so I’m
bringing it up in order to make some sort of a determination as to whether or
not that particular problem exists in this particular situation - as it DOES
happen.
To quote myself from my previous post:
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Do you know the circumstances under which the rape occurred?
If there is the PERCEPTION that she was somehow responsible in getting
herself into that situation to begin with, then it would place your
brother into the dilemma of having to reconcile in his own mind as to
whether or not he could ever “forgive” his potential relationship partner
for her actions/carelessness.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Notice that I used the word “IF” at the start - which should be an indication
that what I was doing was speculating - and not making a statement of fact.
Notice that I used the word “PERCEPTION” - and put it in all caps (for emphasis)
- as I realize that it’s sometimes the case that perceptions are not always an
accurate interpretation of reality.
Notice that I used the word “forgive” - and enclosed it in quotes - which indicates
that the word should not be taken in the literal sense.
In retrospect, it doesn’t surprise me that a moronic kid would have been oblivious
to those subtleties. I hope you learn something from this exchange that we’re having.
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Now, if anyone else has some real advice please let me know ASAP. When I sent
her a message last night they were taking information and pictures and gathering
evidence at the hospital until 3 in the morning, and today they arrested the
bastard. But I could still use some advice on how to talk to her. I know trying
to get her to forget about it is the wrong step at the moment, it's just too
recent. Help!
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I’ll reiterate what I told you before: Stay out of it unless she wants to talk
to you. If she wants to talk, then PLEASE don’t try to give her any advice
- you’re not up to it.
The best thing that you can do is to just LISTEN to her when (or if) she wants to
talk about it. Other than that, you cannot handle this, mainly because you’re
lacking in the maturity and the experience to adequately deal with it.
The best thing that you can do is to step back and leave everything to the adults.
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tLakota
Member
Posts: 37
Registered: 09-20-2006 Location:
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posted on 02-27-2008 at 14:31 |
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Maybe
After reading more of your stuff I'm thinking you may have a problem in general. You literally confirmed what I said about you guessing that she 'asked for it' and that I shouldn't do anything. I found all of your post insensitive and insulting. I was upset. Maybe I shouldn't have posted here, but I'm a virgin and she was a virgin. I didn't know there was a rape victim forum. But if you didn't have any advice for ME then you shouldn't have posted a response at all. I want to comfort her and help her, she IS talking to me and I'm doing my best to cope with her pain. Some random guy didn't seduce her, that's another example of judgment on your end. Also, I'm not stupid. I graduated from high school at 16 and I'm in college now. I may be young, but you telling me to learn to read is immature from a much older adult. How old are you again? 30... 35... I don't really care, it doesn't make you wiser or able to respond effectively to difficult issues. I don't want a pat on the back, just saying that is insulting. I get more than enough attention from the real world, I don't need anyone saying 'oh poor baby!!! gasp!' I specifically said I wanted some advice on ways to console her. I certainly didn't expect a guy that hasn't had a long term intimate relationship to answer the post. Also, yes, this is a virgin forum so you don't have to be in a relationship to be on here, but there have been nurses, doctors, and long term married couples giving advice as well. Leave it to the adults huh, guess that doesn't include you. Your responses were definitely more childlike than mine. And yes, many women WOULD have a problem with your stance on rape. Especially if it happened to be... say... the girlfriend you don't have, an aunt, or your best friend. I can't dump emotional baggage on the internet, if you had an emotional response(or lack of one) to it that isn't my issue.
To anyone else, sorry if you can't answer this question. I guess I just expected humans to have an idea on how they would console a friend that has been raped. I'm not going to remove it though. It'll serve as a post for others that are looking for advice a how to comfort a friend, or rather, how jerks can tell you it's her fault and not to do anything.
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Blank_Wall
Member
Posts: 43
Registered: 02-09-2007 Location: Houston, TX
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posted on 02-27-2008 at 18:43 |
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NO Maybe about it
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After reading more of your stuff I'm thinking you may have a problem in general.
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I KNOW that I have a problem in general.
It’s likely that I’m afflicted with Aspergers Syndrome - also referred to as
high-functional autism. I’m someone who has difficulty engaging in interpersonal
relationships (including those of an intimate nature), which is the primary
reason why I’ve always been alone. I am aware of my problems, and I readily
admit to them. Can you do the same?
... but my social ineptitude has NOTHING to do with my cognitive abilities.
... and it’s apparent to me that you have MUCH bigger problems than I do.
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You literally confirmed what I said about you guessing that she 'asked for it'
and that I shouldn't do anything.
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I was SPECULATING as to whether or not she had done anything to place herself into
a situation that would put her at risk of being raped, and - under that scenario
- SPECULATING as to how your brother might be reacting to the circumstances.
... so what is wrong with guessing?
You don’t really know until you ask.
Once AGAIN: I don’t know that girl - I know nothing about her - other than what
you are telling us - which is/was not very much.
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I found all of your post insensitive and insulting. I was upset.
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You were the one who became insulting - calling me a “jerk” - “FUCK YOU!!!!!”
(Repeatedly)
How did you think that I would react to that?
Let me give you some more advice: Do not lash out at someone if you’re not
prepared to take some counter-punches ... little girl.
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Maybe I shouldn't have posted here, but I'm a virgin and she was a virgin.
I didn't know there was a rape victim forum.
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... so then you DID learn something useful from my posts - good
- mission accomplished.
Try Googling on “rape forum”.
Google is your friend.
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But if you didn't have any advice for ME then you shouldn't have posted a
response at all.
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In my first post, I didn’t HAVE any advice - that is correct - mainly because
I didn’t know very much about the situation - as you didn’t TELL us very much
- as I was trying to query you to tell us more.
To quote myself again:
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Since you didn’t give much in the way of details, you left people like myself to
speculate, operating with what typically happens in situations like that - and what
typically happens in the aftermath. No one can advise you on how to respond
specifically if you don’t give us much in terms of specifics to begin with.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
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I want to comfort her and help her, she IS talking to me and I'm doing my
best to cope with her pain.
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OK - you’re doing some good then.
I am pleased to read that.
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Some random guy didn't seduce her, that's another example of judgment on your end.
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WRONG - I was NOT passing any sort of “judgement” - I was SPECULATING - as I
SPECIFICALLY STATED within my post.
DO you know the difference?
... between passing judgement and engaging in speculation?
Once AGAIN you have failed to grasp the meaning of my words.
... and the question still remains: WHY didn’t the other girls hear her scream?
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Also, I'm not stupid. I graduated from high school at 16 and I'm in college now.
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I’m not impressed - as you continue to prove yourself to me to be a dumb kid.
Let me guess: You sympathize with the Democratic Party, don’t you?
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I may be young, but you telling me to learn to read is immature from a much older
adult.
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Apparently, you don’t know how (to read) - given that you continue to misinterpret
what I’m actually writing.
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How old are you again? 30... 35... I don't really care, it doesn't make you wiser
or able to respond effectively to difficult issues.
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Maybe I could respond effectively - IF I HAVE AN ADEQUATE KNOWLEDGE OF THE SITUATION.
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I don't want a pat on the back, just saying that is insulting.
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... then don’t cast the first stone.
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I get more than
enough attention from the real world, I don't need anyone saying 'oh poor baby!!!
gasp!' I specifically said I wanted some advice on ways to console her.
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... and I’m responding by telling you that there are times when there are no
words that can make much of a difference.
You can tell her that you’re her friend - you can be there for her - listen
to her whenever she wants to talk about it - take her places and do things
with her to get her mind off of the traumatic event - try to re-establish
“normalcy” within her life - and try to get her into a familiar environment
where she can start the process of putting that traumatic event into her past.
If your brother’s feelings towards her have not changed, then that is fantastic.
He could go a long way towards restoring “normalcy” to her life.
If she has a religious faith, then talking to her preacher would be a good start
(as I would speculate that she has done so already).
... so tell me in what way would what I have typed above not qualify as
“useful advice”?
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I certainly didn't expect a guy that hasn't had a long term intimate relationship
to answer the post.
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... so now you’re telling me that I’m lacking in “credentials” - that my words
are somehow “invalidated” by my lack of actual relationship experience.
If you truly believe that, then your best option would be to ignore me.
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Also, yes, this is a virgin forum so you don't have to be in a relationship to
be on here, but there have been nurses, doctors, and long term married couples
giving advice as well. Leave it to the adults huh, guess that doesn't include you.
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You just don’t get it, do you?
As long as you continue to be insulting, I’ll just keep on returning the favor.
In that regard: Immature people are in no position to be passing judgement upon
anyone else’s maturity - so your assessment of my maturity has no validity
whatsoever. That you’re so oblivious to what it is that I’m trying to get you
to understand - and have chosen to react with insults and derogatory comments
to your misunderstanding of what I’ve actually been trying to communicate to you
- and engaging in gross misrepresentations - is evidentiary enough of your own
immaturity - and also an indication that you’re learning disabled.
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Your responses were definitely more childlike than mine. And yes, many women
WOULD have a problem with your stance on rape.
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Then state my position on rape, as you understand it to be, and quote from my
posts to substantiate it.
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Especially if it happened to be... say... the girlfriend you don't have, an aunt,
or your best friend. I can't dump emotional baggage on the internet, if you had
an emotional response(or lack of one) to it that isn't my issue.
To anyone else, sorry if you can't answer this question. I guess I just expected
humans to have an idea on how they would console a friend that has been raped.
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You’re expecting for us to be mind-readers - and that’s not being very realistic.
As HtownMike pointed out: There really isn’t much that anyone can say to someone
who has been through something like that - there are no magic words.
There are indeed things that you can DO about it - as I have mentioned before.
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I'm not going to remove it though. It'll serve as a post for others that are
looking for advice a how to comfort a friend, or rather, how jerks can tell
you it's her fault and not to do anything.
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There’s something comical about morons who lash out against those who expose
them for being morons, and further prove themselves to be morons in the process.
Do you know what a “quagmire” is?
.
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Nicolas94
Newbie
Posts: 8
Registered: 09-09-2008 Location:
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posted on 09-10-2008 at 12:11 |
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Its a tough situation
Okay, where to start off. First off all the rape situation..its beyond fucked up. I honestly think rapists should get life in jail/death sentence
As for how to console your friend. I truly and regretfully have to tell you there isnt much you can do or say to help her.
When that happens to a girl it hurts her on the inside and on the outside, and the only thing that can mend that wound is love and compassion as well as alot of patience and understanding.
Therapay helps alot too but whether it be for monetary reasons she cannot go, or decides not too you can still be there for her.
My advice to you is to always be that friend, who offers your shoulder for her to cry on. When shes upset spend time with her, and talk to her about how you feel. Tell her you love her and you'll always be your friend and stick up for her, and whenever she calls you make sure you talk to her.
I cannot possibly imagine how painful it must be to be in that situation, but showing her you love and care about her is really all you can do.
Oh and at that guy who was posting, hes a fucking asshole. Dont listen to him or any other guy who talks like that
Marrying a women based on her virginity is so fucked up.
You should love someone for their personality not for a flab of skin you fucking sick prick
Granted it would be a bit odd to marry a girl whos been with a different guy each week for 3 years..thats kinda eww gross..stds
But you SHOULD NEVER value a women based on her virginity
If she is a virgin and wants to be with you, thats fine.. But going out of your way for a girl who HAS to be a virgin is not going to work out.
Did you know that more often then not, girls dont spend their entire life with the person they first had sex with? your more likely to divorce someone when you've only had sex with 1 person then if you've been with a few people, ironic eh?
being a virgin is not a bad thing, but it isnt something that should be held against a girl
Quite frankly, a girl could not be a virgin and be the sweetest girl in the world
or a girl could be a virgin, and a controlling and manipulative pain in the ass
When you love someone fall in love with their personality.
Oh and funny enough all the guys who treat girls who arent virgins badly/dont want to go out with them
END UP 40 years old and SINGLE!!!!
:P I love girls for who they are and how nice they are, thats really all that matters.
But yeah 9/10 guys on here were abused by their moms and are afraid of girls who arent virigns, lmao xD
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Nicolas94
Newbie
Posts: 8
Registered: 09-09-2008 Location:
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posted on 09-10-2008 at 12:15 |
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Oh and umm at black
Since you have an ineptitude(a lack of ability to understand and relate with human relationships)
Who the fuck are you to be telling her "you misunderstood me" or that she failed to grasp what your saying.
you failed to consider the possibility that you worded it in such a way that confusion could arise.
w/e you type there will usally be misunderstandings between people, thats the way the internet is.
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Nicolas94
Newbie
Posts: 8
Registered: 09-09-2008 Location:
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posted on 09-10-2008 at 12:18 |
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One more thing
oh and you really shouldnt insult a girl you douche.
Your a guy looking for a virgin, yet your insensitive and insult girls when there upset, =fail.
NO girl, especially a girl whos a virgin(they tend to be more emotionally delicate) is going to put up with your bullshit dude.
And you could be the smartest guy in the world and be autistic, and still be an asshole.
And for the record typing doesnt really offer any prove of intelligence, you could be a genius and choose to type sloppily or you could be average and type flawlessly. All i really know about you is your very very insensitive, and your some old guy who is afraid of relationships.
Nuff said'
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Blank_Wall
Member
Posts: 43
Registered: 02-09-2007 Location: Houston, TX
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posted on 09-19-2008 at 22:33 |
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How Amusing
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Oh and at that guy who was posting, hes a fucking asshole. Dont listen to him
or any other guy who talks like that
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... who talks like what?
Can you be more specific as to what it is that you find so objectionable?
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Marrying a women based on her virginity is so fucked up.
You should love someone for their personality not for a flab of skin you fucking
sick prick
Granted it would be a bit odd to marry a girl whos been with a different guy
each week for 3 years..thats kinda eww gross..stds
But you SHOULD NEVER value a women based on her virginity
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That’s your opinion, and you’re entitled to it - as I am to mine.
The thing of it is, when it comes to making my own decisions with regards to
who I would want for a committed intimate relationship, my opinion is the one
that actually matters, while yours doesn’t amount to a hill of beans.
As far as I’m concerned, you can go take a flying leap at the moon.
FYI: I take MUCH more into consideration than a girl’s virginity, and you’re
fighting a straw man with your claim that the only factor that I take into
account is virginity.
In the course of your moronic diatribe, you’ve argued against yourself:
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Granted it would be a bit odd to marry a girl whos been with a different guy
each week for 3 years..thats kinda eww gross..stds
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
... so then how many is too many?
To blithely ignore the fact that many cultures around the world values (and some
even REQUIRES) virginity in relationship partners prior to marriage (including
sub-cultures within the United States) is more evidence that you’re a blithering
idiot.
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If she is a virgin and wants to be with you, thats fine.. But going out of your
way for a girl who HAS to be a virgin is not going to work out.
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What do you mean by the statement that it’s “not going to work out”?
It HAS worked out - I’ve not settled for someone who isn’t a virgin
- and I haven’t gotten involved with someone who isn’t going to be
able to function in a relationship with me.
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Did you know that more often then not, girls dont spend their entire life with
the person they first had sex with? your more likely to divorce someone when
you've only had sex with 1 person then if you've been with a few people, ironic eh?
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What does this have to do with anything?
You’re operating with generalities that has nothing to do with me, and means
nothing to me.
Someone who is sexually promiscuous is more likely to cheat, as they devalue
sex as an act of intimacy, and can more-easily rationalize cheating to themselves.
I refuse to take that risk - and I want someone who has the same degree of
relationship experience as I do - and if you have a problem with that then I
could not care less.
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being a virgin is not a bad thing, but it isnt something that should be held
against a girl
Quite frankly, a girl could not be a virgin and be the sweetest girl in the world
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Yes - so?
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or a girl could be a virgin, and a controlling and manipulative pain in the ass
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Yes - so?
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When you love someone fall in love with their personality.
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What gives you the idea that I would do otherwise?
You’ve been operating with an erroneous set of assumptions from the outset.
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Oh and funny enough all the guys who treat girls who arent virgins badly/don’t
want to go out with them
END UP 40 years old and SINGLE!!!!
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What is wrong with being single?
I don’t have a problem with that.
The big, huge flaw in your argument/position is that you’ve assumed that being
single is a problem for me - and a lot of other people that are single - it isn’t.
I”ll have a relationship if it is on my terms, not on someone else’s - and
CERTAINLY not on yours.
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:P I love girls for who they are and how nice they are, thats really all that
matters.
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Good for you.
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But yeah 9/10 guys on here were abused by their moms and are afraid of girls who
arent virigns, lmao xD
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Where did you get your statistics?
... or is that something else that you just pulled out of your ass?
FYI: I had the greatest mother that anyone could ever hope to have, and
bringing my mother into this just proves to me that you’re a moronic lowlife.
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Oh and umm at black
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It’s BLANK - as in BLANKwall.
Get it right - fool.
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Since you have an ineptitude(a lack of ability to understand and relate with
human relationships)
Who the fuck are you to be telling her "you misunderstood me" or that she failed
to grasp what your saying.
you failed to consider the possibility that you worded it in such a way that
confusion could arise.
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What gives you the idea that I “failed to consider” that possibility?
... ESPECIALLY after I made two lengthily follow-up responses where I made
every effort to clarify my original post, addressing every point specifically.
Apparently, you’ve got a problem with reading comprehension yourself.
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w/e you type there will usally be misunderstandings between people, thats the way
the internet is.
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... and then there are morons who are simply not going to comprehend what
you’re typing - no matter how it is put to them.
For a fine example of such a person, go look in a mirror.
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oh and you really shouldnt insult a girl you douche.
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When someone gets hostile with me, I respond with hostility in kind - imbecile.
If you’d comprehended what was written within this thread, then you would know
that tLakota started the hostilities - not I - and I’ve been responding
accordingly.
You’ve decided to get hostile with me as well, which is why I’m treating you
with contempt and ridicule.
Do you see how that works?
I react in the same manner whether someone is male or female - I’m not sexist.
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Your a guy looking for a virgin, yet your insensitive and insult girls when
there upset, =fail.
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Do you REALLY believe that I engage in that sort of behavior on a routine basis?
... with every girl that I interact with?
With every sentence you type, you just offer up further evidence that you’re
likely brain-dead.
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NO girl, especially a girl whos a virgin(they tend to be more emotionally delicate)
is going to put up with your bullshit dude.
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What “bullshit” are you referring to?
If you don’t/can’t cite specifics, then you lose all credibility - and come off
looking like a blithering idiot in the process.
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And you could be the smartest guy in the world and be autistic, and still be an
asshole.
And for the record typing doesnt really offer any prove of intelligence, you
could be a genius and choose to type sloppily or you could be average and type
flawlessly. All i really know about you is your very very insensitive, and your
some old guy who is afraid of relationships.
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You don’t know anything - other than your own delusions as to who I am and what
I’m like.
Maybe you believe that you’re some sort of “knight in shining armor” charging
in to rescue a “damsel in distress” - but all you’ve done is make a fool of
yourself.
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Nuff said'
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Oh please!
Keep on with your moronic blithering.
I’ve become quite amused by it.
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RejectedDeviant
Newbie
Posts: 3
Registered: 03-25-2011 Location:
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posted on 03-25-2011 at 07:34 |
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yes
'It turns out you have a very harsh view on rape victims. She was hanging out with girlfriends that she knew well and was friends with. Just girls. Then one of them invited some guys that she liked to the house and one of those guys, who she barely knew, raped her. If anything, blame the girls who let it happen. And the issue isn't that she was a virgin and now she's not. The issue is that my brother thinks that if they weren't on break(she felt she needed more time with God without distraction and they still love each other) she wouldn't have been in a situation were he couldn't protect her. The asshole that raped her, RAPED HER. She isn't a slut, she doesn't dress provocatively, she's a good Christian girl from a whole and happy family, her dad is a cop, her mom is over children's ministry, she was quiet, shy, and pretty! A true virgin in every sense! No drugs, no alcohol, no drama! And an Asshole RAPED HER! She didn't do anything wrong, she didn't have it coming, in the whole year she and my bro were dating they haven't had a single fight. So screw You! I wanted advice on how to console her, what to say... I'm a chick as you should well know by now, and I can't fathom being raped at a girlfriends house by a guy that doesn't really know me. He forced himself upon a sweet virgin girl, so saying 'Well, at least you didn't die. Hope my brother is okay with another guy having sex with you,' just doesn't cut it. I also said she was my friend! MY FRIEND! I love her! I've known her for years! She's like my sister!!!! And I want to be there for her while she's bruised and hurt both physically and emotionally! You know what?! I'll just say it! FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope you learn that there is a lot more to a woman than whether she's a virgin or not! And for the record, I'm 18, but she's 15. No girl should be raped, let alone at such a young age! Yeah! Fuck you!!! Good luck finding a woman that will better understand your stance on rape. Our society has been so desensitized to rape! It is a crime, and as many as 1 in 7 women have experienced rape in some form in their life but most never report it. And it's because of jerks LIKE YOU! Every sex ed class say you should report it and no one will be mad at you! But you've PROVED that what goes through the victims' minds may be true in the backdrop! She waited 2 days because she was afraid that we(including her parents) would be mad at her and think it was her fault! And your words and wording as a response to this very difficult situation shows that our society and the fake claims have molded a very NEGATIVE response to victims of violence. FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!
Now, if anyone else has some real advice please let me know ASAP. When I sent her a message last night they were taking information and pictures and gathering evidence at the hospital until 3 in the morning, and today they arrested the bastard. But I could still use some advice on how to talk to her. I know trying to get her to forget about it is the wrong step at the moment, it's just too recent. Help!'
I think it was God punishing her for having a boyfriend too early and not being faithful to God's will.
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