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xMx_xBx
Newbie
Posts: 2
Registered: 04-21-2006 Location: California
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posted on 05-05-2006 at 13:32 |
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i dont get it
For years I've had a ring on my middle finger, to me it means virginity. The day I decide to have sex, it will be the day I will take it off. A few days ago...that day came. Me and my bf have had talks about what would happen after we had sex. He's done it before and well of course I havent.
He respects the fact that I'm still a virgin, and respects the whole ring thing.
A few days ago....it seem like the right time, we had our talks before that and well I said yes.....so we go forward with it. problem is.......he tried various times to enter me and he kept failing. He kept coming up with excuses saying he wasnt hard enough or that I was too tight.
I felt uncomfortable after a while because he kept failing....so I gave up and I told him to stop trying. (which I found it kinda weird how he didnt know where it went and he's done it before o_O)
Anyways....he felt bad after he noticed I gave up. Later that night he had told me that he was scared of hurting me when he went in....I didnt know what to tell him......so I stood quiet. Any advice to make it a little better for the both of us???????
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dreamangel
Member
Posts: 64
Registered: 02-26-2006 Location:
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posted on 05-05-2006 at 19:33 |
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Here's some GOOD advice
Well since most people here are virgins, you might not get much help here. First off, isn't a purity ring meant to be worn unil marriage?
Second, if he doesn't even know where your opening is, I highly doubt he has had sex before. I'm guessing he's a virgin also, but because of societies double standard, he doesn't want to admit he's a virgin. (He's probably embarrased)
Now...this is VERY important. Did he use Lubrication beforehand, and was there lots of Foreplay?????? Foreplay includes, kissing, touching private areas, mutual masturbation, oral sex on you.
Your vagina will only relax and 'open-up' unless you are very turned-on and aroused. If you have natural lubrication and you get very wet, that's a start, but you'll probably need additional lube.
Do you know how to orgasm? If not learn to orgasm by yourself first- through masturbation. Become comfotable with your body, feel the entrance and angle of your vagina opening....try to stretch the area a bit. View this as practice. When you're ready to start again, have him first bring you to orgasm-though oral sex or manually stimulating you before he enters you. This will relax your muscles and expand the entrance to your vagina. If you think he can just push inside you before you are 'ready' think again. Most women need lots of pre-play before they can have sex, even ones who are super experienced.
If you are uncomfotable doing any of the things I mentioned then wait to have sex. Read some educational sex books together. Find out how your body works before you have sex.
I'm guessing that he was nowhere close to entering you. You would have felt pain if he had been. You should also be very relaxed mentally and pysically. If you are nervous or tense in ANY way, your vagina will clamp down and make entry impossible.
The important thing is to FIRST become comfortable with your body and learn how to orgasm. Most women do not orgasm, or get ANY pleasure the first time they have sex. You will most likely be disappointed. Sex takes YEARS of practice before the women begins to enjoy it. Most women reach their sexual peak when they are 40, if you can believe that. Sex with the same partner will improve and get better and better but do not expect it to be great the first few times (maybe not even for years)
Most women can only orgasm clitorally, so discover where your clit is, (there are diagrams on-line) and try to experiment, with or without your boyfriend, bringing yourself to clitoral orgasms...this will help you move into straight intercourse. The important thing to remember when it comes to sex....is that its ALL about the CLITORIS. This is the main place women will achieve an orgasm, not through vaginal thrusting. Some women can ONLY orgasm through the clitoris- which is why most women love oral sex. Other women can only learn to orgasm by touching themsleves and then they can teach their boyfriend/husband what feels good to them. Your boyfriend is not a mind reader so you need to discover your own body and then have open communication and tell him and show him what you like.
And ignore any advice that "gradboy" might give you. He's this weird virgin guy who has no clue about sex.
I'm a women, and I studied sexuality in college so I know what I'm talking about.
My best advice though is to wait. Masturbate, try the techniques I gave you and have sex when you are really comfortable with your body and know how it works. Wait until you are married and when you have years of practice to improve together. But you will be doing your husband a favour by Masturbating and becoming comfortable with your body- or you could practice 'stretching exercies' also. All of this will lesson the pain and make penetration more successful and less traumatizing.
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xMx_xBx
Newbie
Posts: 2
Registered: 04-21-2006 Location: California
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posted on 05-06-2006 at 12:36 |
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Thanks!
Actually.... That ring, I decided to wear it at 13 or so. It was more like a promise to myself. Its not the whole "waiting until marriage thing" Its more of a not having sex during my teen years. I didn’t want to make the same mistake most of those around me were doing. Now that I’m way out of my teen years and about to be 21.... I still want to keep that promise. It’s just that the time seem right.
When it comes to the whole sex subject...I'm very mature. We've already had our talks about contraceptives and etc.
Too be honest.... I’m the one that seemed more relaxed than him that day. The thought of hurting me while he entered me kept bothering him.
Yesterday we talked and he kept telling me he didn’t want to hurt me.... And I highly doubt he had sex before me. I have a strong feeling he's also a virgin (because to not know were it goes, and he's already done it...Uh uh weird).
There was a lot of foreplay and oral sex; so I was very wet and I had a few orgasms while I was getting oral.
I don’t know…..but hey thank you so much for the great advice!!! Appreciate it!
I know I wont get much advice because mostly everyone here is a virgin. But the little advice I can get, It’s still good enough.
Thanks!
:)
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